How To Stop Living Someone Else’s Life (Even If It’s Been A Good Run), Episode 98

Have you been neglecting your own interests, wants, and desires, all in the pursuit of making other people happy? They may be your family colleagues, society, or your close friends. Has the time come for you to draw a line in the sand and make a really hard decision – a decision that brings up guilt and shame – to finally put a stop to your patterns to live the often “unlived” lives of others?

It’s time you create your own unique colorful life. One that is only limited by your own imagination and one where you can feel good about your choices, and occasionally, spoil yourself and allow yourself to thrive. 

Today, we’re going to talk about two major consequences of not taking the time to reassess why you do the things you do, and whether you’re actually living your life or someone else’s. I’m also going to leave you with three questions to help give you clarity as to whether you may need a bit of help with your own reassessment process. 

Think of this as a hair detangling session. For those of us with curly hair, you could probably relate to those times when you were young and your parents would detangle your curls. And although you may have hated those times, it was the only way for you to have nicely detangled hair and a smooth outcome. And so today, we are untangling what you’ve been achieving to make other people happy, versus what you’ve been neglecting along the way, and I’m going to key you in on how you can turn this around.

Some of us are quite neglectful towards our own desires and deeply personal interests because we are too busy living the life of someone else, fulfilling the dreams of our parents they once had, and putting them on our shoulders. But when do you plan on saving yourself? The issue is that no one is going to come and save you. No one is going to stop you from doing things that have made them happy. Ultimately, it’s you who has to call the shots over your own life. 

Share this episode with those who are still living the unlived lives of their parents and are now ready to reclaim their lives and be their true authentic selves.

Highlights

  • Reassess: Has it been your own life? Or has it really been the unlived life of someone else? Our parents influence our preferences and give us a sense of our value system. But you have to check in with yourself and see if that value system and your way of living are still working for you.
  • Choices: If you don’t take a hard look at your choices, then you will keep making the same ones, even if those choices are actually hurting your sanity.
  • Fear: A lot of times with highly successful people who are brilliant struggle with figuring out what they really want in life. They are scared to see their authentic self because it gets too emotional.
  • Sanity: One of the unintended consequences of living the unlived life of others is that you end up hurting your emotional well-being. It’s costing you your health and mental sanity that you’ll just hide all that pain from your parents, even at the age of 40 or more. 
  • Integration: The second unintended consequence is you may start to integrate the expectations of your family as your own. You’re no longer able to see which expectations are yours, and which expectations are those of your family.
  • Trance:  If you don’t use this present moment to reassess your choices, then you’d be in a trance, where you are mindlessly doing what has been expected of you, and not giving yourself a chance to take a step back and redefine what you’ve always wanted.
  • Self-neglect: Failure to reassess what you truly want in life is a neglect of your talents, your own life, and your opinions.

3 Reassessment Questions You Need to Ask Yourself:

1) When was the last time I felt really disappointed in myself and it hurt a lot? 

Did I do everything in my power to hide that disappointment from — a parent, a partner, a friend? What stopped me from being vulnerable with them? What did I think they’d think about me?

2) What have I been pushing off doing because it felt irresponsible to want more than I have? 

What thoughts pop up when I contemplate wanting more of anything in my life? More money. More flexibility. More fun. More adventures. More time from my partner. More alone time. More boundaries.

3) What did I do today that I really wanted to do? 

Was there something that I did because I felt like it would be interesting, fun, challenging, or a thrill I can take with me to the grave and laugh hard as hell? When was the last time I did something like that? 

About Melissa Llarena

Melissa brings a makerspace mindset that is laser-focused on creatively making space for courage for those with a big message to share with the world. A makerspace is a collaborative workspace with very different tools meant for making things fueled by active imaginations. In a makerspace, the goal is to inspire new creations. In Melissa’s program called Courage Makerspace ™ we are making space for courage in your daily life so that you can become an incredible human who has the courage to connect, communicate, and create something incredible that will have an impact on the world. 

What makes Courage Makerspace™ different is that it uniquely brings an interdisciplinary and creative approach to high-performance coaching. This online program is based on psychological principles, the art of storytelling, and incorporates proprietary experiential tools that harness the power of our imagination. Melissa has infused proven strategies and insights that have empowered clients around the world.  Her background includes a psychology degree from NYU, an MBA from the Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth, and she holds a Transformational Coaching Academy certificate based on Tony Robbins principles and Landmark Education insights. She is a native New Yorker who has lived/worked in Paris as well as London, and courageously relocated to Sydney, Australia with her family.

Want to be a COURAGEOUS human who is fulfilling their life purpose?

If you intend to become a thought leader and have the courage to accomplish your life purpose faster than you’ve imagined possible, book an appointment with me in the next 24 hours. We’re going to assess where you are on this confidence journey, then we’re going to put our heads together and come up with a step-by-step game plan to define how you can rebuild your courage when you need it. Book this free session by going to http://www.melissallarena.com/sessions.

Want to continue the conversation?

Find me on Instagram! You can read my daily mini-blogs centered on the same three topics that my podcast features: creativity, courage, and curiosity. I believe that without all three it would be impossible to solve the challenges we were each uniquely made to solve. Wouldn’t you agree? I’m easy to find on Instagram @melissallarena

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Let’s connect on LinkedIn. I encourage every single podcast listener to connect with me.

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Melissa Llarena

Melissa helps movers and shakers up to those in the corner office rediscover what makes them unique so that they can land their dream job in a forward-thinking company where their ideas are listened to, valued, and supported.

She brings insights from having worked in 16-business units (including Human Resources) in NY, Paris, and London. Additionally, in her former corporate career, she worked on billion-dollar brands for P&G and on IBM for Ogilvy & Mather. Later, as the founder and CEO of Career Outcomes Matter, Melissa created a 3-step “sellable strengths” process which has been the centerpiece of her clients' results.

Melissa applies this method consistently to support mid-level professionals up to the c-suite to get into Fortune Global 500 organizations and agencies. She studied Psychology at NYU and earned her MBA from the Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth.

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