In this episode, we delve into the intricate dance of balancing entrepreneurship and motherhood, especially when raising a strong-willed child. Join us as Randi Rubenstein, parent coach, author, and founder of Mastermind Parenting, shares insights on maintaining structure, accountability, and firm yet loving boundaries. Discover how the principles of pack leadership can transform your parenting approach and draw parallels between the challenges of managing a business and raising resilient children.

Embark on the emotional journey of entrepreneurial motherhood, from the lows of failed launches to the highs of tangible success. Reflect on how jealousy can serve as a catalyst for uncovering hidden dreams and transforming envy into motivation and actionable steps. Tune in for expert advice on navigating turbulent times with resilience and grace, and learn how to move beyond talking about change to actually taking action for personal and professional growth. Whether you’re dealing with a strong-willed child or running a business during challenging times, this episode offers the mindset, methods, and tools to thrive.

In this episode, you will hear:

• Challenges of juggling business responsibilities while raising children.
• Parallels between managing a business during turbulent times and raising resilient children. 
• How mom founders can leverage their superpower of imagination to dream bigger.
• The dynamic relationship between working moms and stay-at-home moms.
• Identity shift and emotional challenges that come with leaving a secure job to start a business
• Self-reflection and turning envy into motivation and actionable steps toward goals.
• Emotional regulation and leadership in both parenting and business contexts.
• Necessity of mental preparation, accountability, and setting clear boundaries.

Quotes, that can change your perspective:

“What if you have a strong-willed kid and then you have another kid or multiple other kids? How are you supposed to get a handle on this? I would say it’s the exact same thing, you know. The accountability piece and learning how to have that structure and have those boundaries into and to say what’s okay with you as the pack leader.”

“A lot of women who are working many, many hours are still the ones responsible for what are we going to eat this week and what about those school forms and we need to go through your closet. You look like you’re waiting for a flood.”

“You get out what you put into something, but it’s doing the reps of whatever it is that you learned, you know, in business or in personal and holding yourself accountable for, okay, I made the investment. You could make the investment or you could have made the investment a decade ago, but you’re so capable of still implementing what you learned.”

This episode is brought to you by Fertile Imagination to Networking Success, my 9-week group coaching program for visionary mom founders who have decided they are going to become power strategic networkers because they do not want to miss out on one more opportunity for maximum business growth! A program for a founder who wants a step-by-step process that works. My approach which I have used over and over and helped my client use too is called the Imagination to Impact and Income Method ™ and it will help you connect with the right people, lead the right conversations, and swing open the right doors to success.

If you want to learn more, then schedule a free call on www.melissallarena.com/sessions today.

DM me on Instagram @melissallarena just type the word SESSION and I’ll share the link if that’s easier to see my calendar availability for this free call where you will get all the details you’ll need to know if this program is the perfect fit for you and to hear about the extra bonuses available only this summer to the first mom founders who join. Here’s that link: https://www.instagram.com/melissallarena/ 

About Randi Rubenstein

Randi Rubenstein is a renowned parent coach, author, and the visionary founder of Mastermind Parenting. With a deep-seated passion for helping parents navigate the complex journey of raising strong-willed children, Randy has become a trusted voice in the parenting community. Her expertise lies in teaching parents how to implement structure, accountability, and firm yet loving boundaries, all while fostering a nurturing and growth-oriented family environment.

Randi’s approach is rooted in the principles of pack leadership, emphasizing the importance of consistency, personal growth, and accountability without resorting to permissive or punitive methods. Her work rejects shame, blame, and spanking, focusing instead on a balanced strategy that combines firmness with love. This philosophy not only helps parents manage their households effectively but also draws insightful parallels to the challenges faced by entrepreneurs in the business world.

SHARE this episode and discover strategies to transform your parenting and business, fostering resilience and consistency. Explore entrepreneurial motherhood, turn jealousy into motivation, and learn about our new group coaching program. Enhance your networking skills and navigate challenges with resilience. Tune in now to thrive at home and in business!

Supporting Resources: 

Website: https://mastermindparenting.com/
Podcast: MastermindParenting Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mastermind-parenting-podcast/id1362773053

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mastermind_parenting/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/mastermindparenting

Subscribe and Review

Have you subscribed to my podcast for moms who are entrepreneurs, founders, and creators?  I’d love for you to subscribe if you haven’t yet.

I’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast for writer moms. 

About Fertile Imagination to Networking Success, but first about a recent client…

Michelle founded a non-profit six years ago and has since raised over $1.5M. During our first conversation she told me she spent the first year just getting the word out so she could get families to apply. And now she was shifting to really try to fundraise and grow her program. Michelle knew that this wasn’t necessarily her strongest suit, she said it’s hard, and I’m not great at asking for money, and I’m not great at all these things. But I knew I had to do it, and I knew I had to network, and I knew I had to do everything.

That was when Michelle decided it was time to ask for help. We spoke on a 30-minute call and Michelle took a leap of faith to partner with me in my Fertile Imagination to Networking Success program.

Fast forward a few weeks Michelle grew bold, bolder, ultimately her boldest self. She had this to say: And then during our time together, I just started putting myself out there saying it. My goal is $50, 000 by the year saying that to people and explaining why that was the case and what that was coming from. There wasn’t an arbitrary number. It was a very well thought out plan and in terms of the numbers. That was the boldest thing I did during our time together and ask the first IVF baby to wear our merchandise. Are you at this stage, is it time to grow your business? Is networking not yet your strongest suit?

Join me inside of Fertile Imagination to Networking Success:  A LIVE 9-week group coaching masterclass to fast-track making connections with the right people to take your business to the next level.

•     9 weeks of live networking coaching and community
•     Value-packed on demand curriculum on everything from navigating impostor syndrome to who to network with, how to find them, what to say, and on planning your fall and winter 2024 networking calendar focused on your business growth goal.
•     3 hours/ weekly investment this summer (2 whenever or wherever you wish) to hit the ground running in the fall and feel ahead for a change 
•     Lifetime access to tools and resources built for mom founders including meditations and unexpected ways to let go of mom guilt and overwhelm
•     Exclusive opportunity for the first five mom founder participants including a multimedia podcast guest feature, two private bonus sessions, and a 30% discounted investment

Special extras: Daily Wins Workbook, Impostor Syndrome Journaling, and Networking Email Templates and More

I’m also offering an EXCLUSIVE bonus for the first five mom founders only which is a guide on how to boost your productivity as a solopreneur and/or delegate or farm out things in your business so you can easily fit this into your summer calendar.

Go to www.melissallarena.com/sessions to schedule a 30-minute call with me to learn more about Fertile Imagination to Networking Success for Mom Founders and jump in on this exclusive summer offer for the first five mom founders. Summer school is starting soon. Be one of the first 5 mom founders to join.

TRANSCRIPT

00:00:00 Randi: How do you run a business when you’ve got a strong world kid and they’re putting you through it, right? Like, how do we help that child to, you know, how do we manage it all? And what if you have a strong world kid and then you have another kid, you know, or multiple other kids? Like how are you supposed to get a handle on this? And I would say it’s the exact same thing, you know, the accountability piece and learning how to have that structure and have those boundaries and to say what’s okay with you as the pack leader. What’s okay with me, what’s not okay with me. And these are our rules, right? Like I am not, gentle parenting is not my game. I am into pack leadership and it is firm and it is loving, so loving and no, it doesn’t involve shame and blame and spanking, but it is not permissive parenting. And sometimes it’s not that gentle because when we’re putting structure in place and when we’re showing up as the pack leader, yeah, sometimes we’ve got to get our badass real.

00:01:18 Melissa: Welcome to the Mom Founder Imagination Hub, your weekly podcast to inspire you to dream bigger. Plan out how you’re going to get to that next level in business, find the energy to keep going and make sure your creative juices are flowing so that this way you get what you really want rather than having to settle. Get ready to discover how Mom Founders have reimagined entrepreneurship and motherhood. Ever wonder how they do it? Tune in to find out. And stretch yourself by also learning from diverse entrepreneurs who might not be moms, but who have lessons you can tailor about how you can disrupt industries and step way outside of your comfort zone. I believe every mom’s superpower is her imagination. In this podcast, I’m gonna give you the mindset, methods, and tools to unleash yours. Sounds good? Then keep listening.

00:02:10 Melissa: Are you raising a strong-willed child or might you be operating a business that is experiencing turbulent times? I would say there are such parallels. And in this conversation with Randi Rubenstein, she’s a parent, coach and author, podcaster and founder of Mastermind Parenting. I would say that our conversation shares with you what’s the commonalities between the two, how hard it truly is if you have a lot going on both at home and work. And it shares a perspective that I have never heard before. So for example, you’re here, Randi mentioned this idea of pack mentality and being the leader of your pack from a mom’s perspective. I also go ahead and share this fact that I may have not arrived to that conversation feeling in flow, but it’s time to go. 

00:03:00 Melissa: And so on that point, I wanted to just introduce this conversation because it is one of the few that is truly unique. Randi’s interviewing me, I am interviewing Randi. So it’s gonna have a little bit of a different setup. But the idea is this, the idea is that if you’re a Mom Founder, there are absolutely things that are outside of your control, but there are also things that you can do about it. You might have to make either business investments or personal growth investments and be consistent and hold yourself accountable to the insights and wisdom that does exist out there in the world. 

00:03:32 Melissa: So I invite you to absolutely drop a like, a comment, hit the smash, follow button and all that jazz, so that this way you can get more of these videos. I will be producing these videos in conjunction with the audio format, which is on iTunes, Spotify, et cetera. And I wanna just be sure that you have a good sense of what made me laugh, what made me cry, what I really think you will want to apply and tailor in your own Mom Founder life. 

00:04:03 Melissa: I also wanted to say welcome. Welcome to Mom Founder Imagination Hub. This is a new name for the podcast. And the reason why I wanted to just start right there is because at the end of the day, if you really want to achieve something you may have never seen a mom achieve before in your business, you’re gonna have to use a heck of an imagination. And the good news is that it is a gift that we all get when we become moms. You may have not ever heard of it. You may have not realized it, but it’s based on the wisdom that I gathered in my book or imagination

00:04:34 Melissa: And so I invite you to really tune into this conversation, pen and paper, and make sure that you understand and appreciate that a strong-willed kid most likely came from a strong-willed parent. And I would say that is a characteristic I have noticed in my clients who are Mom Founders. So enjoy the conversation. And absolutely any questions you might have, put it in the comments. Any questions you might have, you could absolutely just DM me on Instagram @MelissaLlarena. So enjoy the conversation and I hope you like this new format. How are you?

00:05:08 Randi: I’m good, how are you? 

00:05:10 Melissa: Oh, just one of those days.

00:05:14 Randi: What you said to me right before we started recording?

00:05:19 Melissa: I am not in flow, but I am ready to go. 

00:05:26 Randi: I loved it. And you just said it organically, but what did you mean by it?

00:05:33 Melissa: I don’t need flow to be ready to go, right? It’s like, I could be in the middle of a tough moment with one of my three sons. I could be just having had a conversation with my mom and I can quickly snap into the moment and the task at hand. And I think for me, it’s been a blessing, you know, it’s a complete blessing. And I think, you know, having this conversation with you, Randi, is perfect timing, irrespective of how I entered into this virtual room. I think it’s fine. I think we’re both able to just get her done. 

00:06:22 Randi: Well, I wanted to, you know, I love to have an organic conversation. And the interesting thing to me about that and what you just said is you’re an action taker, right? And so I think so often people and especially women, we want, it’s like we tell ourselves that, well, if the conditions are just right, then I can do the thing. I mean, sometimes people do it about their body, like, oh, I really want to dress differently. I hate all my clothes, but I need to lose five pounds or I need to lose the weight before I’m allowed to go shopping. And it’s like, well, actually the conditions don’t have to be just right because quite often we take action, I mean, I think most often, we take action and then you sort of curate the emotion to follow.

00:07:28 Randi: So like, if you start dressing the way that, you know, you start dressing in the clothes that you really wanna buy it and you don’t put all these conditions that it needs to be perfect, that you need to, the scale needs to say something, and then you’re showing up feeling gorgeous and fresh and put together. And before you know it, like, you’ve just become that person and you’re like, I don’t understand, I’ve never in my life had weight fall off of me. 

00:07:57 Randi: And so, if we take action and we don’t wait for the conditions to be exactly right, quite often, the flow will follow. Right? And so when you’re a person who just takes action, because this is what I’m doing, and I have, you know, you’re I’m showing up in my life being the leader of my own life, right? I talk a lot about this concept called pack leadership. That’s what I call. I call when you are showing up as a leader in your family with your people. I call it pack leadership because we are pack animals. Really, humans are pack animals and we’re not meant to live on an island by ourselves. We’re meant to have a pack. We’re meant to have a business pack, a family pack. And so every pack needs leadership, right? That’s what we know.

00:08:54 Randi: And so when you’re the kind of person who shows up and is like, I may not feel like I’m in flow yet, but this is a conversation, it’s on my calendar, I’m ready to go, I’m gonna trust the universe that it will be exactly what it’s meant to be. Like to me, just that sentence said to me, oh, you got some back leadership, sister.

00:09:21 Melissa: Thank you, Randi. I think it’s so interesting because the thoughts that pop up for me are of two powerful women. So first of all, I don’t know if her last name is Wambach, but Abby Wambach, didn’t she write a book about like the pack and everything? The soccer player, Olympian person married to Glennon Doyle. So certainly very powerful in her own right, in her own skills and expression. And I gotta believe that there were days that she got to the field and she did not feel in flow. As a matter of fact, she could have had ant flow for all we know, right? Which is awkward and not most fun during athletic abilities and moments.

00:10:08 Melissa: And then the other person that came to mind when you were saying that is Shakira, because she also refers to her fans as like the pack and she’s a wolf. I hate saying that word because my husband pokes fun of me. But it’s so interesting how two different expressions of leadership really hold onto that thought. And as moms in our own homes, I think, you know, it’s so funny because these are two women and you would think like this animal mentality and like primal instincts are just something that, you know, like a dad or a man would be able to express and serve as an example in their home for, but you’re right. 

00:10:56 Melissa: I think as moms, as women, you know, in our own businesses, for example, as leaders of our home, certainly I am the chief cultural officer in my home. That’s just like a straight up designation I have. It is important.

It is important to find a way to keep going, you know? Like even if it’s a tough conversation, you know, with a child or even if it’s like a moment where it’s like uncertain, you know, how things are gonna turn out and they’re quite complex and hard. And it’s like, if we as the female leaders of our home, as I think of myself personally, can carry that idea that we are a team, we are here for each other. And also, if I don’t have the right words, I can count on you, Randi, to complete a sentence, even though we just met, because for as much as we feel like we’re not like one another, and have different life experiences, different families, different kinds of kids and all that, there’s a lot that can be said about some threads that are consistent, you know? 

00:12:13 Melissa: Some threads that we share that are enough to carry the conversation and carry us through the day. Like it doesn’t have to be like, you know, prolific. It could be, it could just be enough to share what’s on your heart, share what’s on your mind. And I think that’s something that, yeah. I’m open to it. 

00:12:35 Randi: It’s interesting in my, in one of my groups today, a mom who went through a divorce in the last two years, and she’s always been a working mom. And she now is in a position of like, I’m supporting my family, right? So she’s a single mom and she’s got two kids and she has… We’ve all kind of been there with her as she’s gone through this season, this season change and this new season of life. And so she’s got a really intense job. She got a new job and it’s very intense and involves a lot of travel and a lot of coordination. And my groups are kind of unique because they’re a combination of working and I hate the term stay at home mom. 

00:13:30 Randi: But moms who work full time as moms and don’t have any child care. I haven’t found a better saying because I just think that when you’re in the trenches all day long, you’re working your ass off. So anyway, but there’s always been sort of this weird rivalry between working moms and stay-at-home moms, but I’ve been both, right? So for the last 10 years, I’ve been growing a business baby, Mastermind Parenting. And before those 10 years, I did some training with teachers and I did a little of this and I did some public speaking and I taught some parenting education classes here and there. But for the most part, I was really a stay-at-home mom. 

00:14:17 Randi: And then for the last 10 years, I’ve been a working mom. And so because I think I’ve been on both sides in my groups, there’s this sort of beautiful synergy that happens. And so this mom, she posted today a little reel from Instagram and she said, this is for all the stay at home, stay at home mom sisters or something like that. And here she’s a working mom. And it was like some man who was talking about, if you add up all the different things that, you know, stay at home moms do, and he did all these calculations, he said, it’s over $200,000 a year that your job is worth. 

00:15:00 Randi: And I left a message back and said, I so appreciate this coming from you. It was from a woman named Annie. I said, I so appreciate it. And everyone knows that Annie’s a business badass and she’s got this big job, but she’s over here saying, hey sisters, I see you. And for those of you who are thinking that you know, you’re not bringing in a paycheck, so you’re not as important or whatever. Like she didn’t say those things, but it was in the insinuation. And I said, that’s what we’re doing here. There’s no rivalry. We’re all just lifting each other up and honoring each other’s choices. And, you know, this is what women are meant to do. Right. 

00:15:46 Randi: And when women are pitted against each other, or when we’re not in our pack leadership, when we’re thinking that, oh, it’s just we need to wait, just wait till your father comes home, right? When we don’t we we’re not owning our role that if we’re mostly raising and shaping the little humans and we’re there doing that, even when you know you’re running your own business, you know, you said you’re the chief cultural officer, right? Like a lot of women who are working many, many hours are still the ones responsible for what are we going to eat this week and what about those school forms and we need to go through your closet. You look like you’re waiting for a flood. 

00:16:32 Randi: When did you go through this growth spurt? You know, there’s so many invisible mom jobs. And so it falls on moms and the leader sets the tone. So we can’t be thinking small or if I’m not earning a paycheck or if I’m not earning as much of a paycheck that I don’t have, you know, I think we have to own it. You know, we have to own it. We have to feel so proud of ourselves. We have to celebrate ourselves. We have to acknowledge all the things that we’re doing because the leader does set the tone for the family and I think for whatever pack you’re involved in, whether it’s a business pack or a family pack, the leader does set the tone, but we have to own our worth and our value and acknowledge it. 

00:17:28 Melissa: Yeah, I mean, 100%. And as you’re sharing that idea about the leader setting the tone, I think also the leader sells the vision. And when I think about that, you know, as I come at it from the perspective of helping Mom Founders really leverage their fertile imagination, which is this ability to think about things that they have never seen every, any other mom in the history of time do certainly not in their circles, such as build a business, do a podcast, launch a nonprofit. As I think about how big a mom can dream for her children.

00:18:10 Melissa: My hope, my dream, my intention with all that I am is that a mom can at least have the same sense of opportunity and expansiveness about what’s possible for her. And so the way that I see it playing out in terms of being a leader, somebody who has this huge vision. Like we have these huge visions for our children, but here’s the reality from my perspective, having three little boys who are 12, 10 and 10, because I have identical twins. My perspective is that, you know, if I have a cap on what I can see possible for myself, then it’s really hard for me to have a bigger vision for my child with no context in terms of what it actually takes to achieve something that’s quite big.

00:19:03 Melissa: For example, now, you know, like I have a Fertile Imagination. What does that mean? You know, I decided that I would build out a podcast. I decided, for example, on my podcast, Unimaginable Wellness, that I would have guests that are the same guests, the same quality of guests, that someone without children might be able to dedicate all of their time to get, like Gary Vaynerchuk, Susie Batiste, you know? And so for me, that was my vision and I had my three little boys and they got to see mommy do what it took, which was a lot. It took, I mean, just Gary Vee was like a hundred days and writing, you know, a thousand word articles on medium.com of every single one of those hundred days, adding up to 67,000 words, by the way, while my kids were- 

00:19:55 Randi: Were you in flow? Were you in flow when you were-

00:19:32 Melissa: No, that wasn’t flow. That was a funk. That was not flow. I was funk. But you know what? I did it and my kids were watching me. So for me, as a leader of my family of my home, you know, having this big vision, oh, one day you can have your own business or one day you can be a podcaster or you can be fancy schmancy in whatever capacity, just saying that, I don’t think is enough. I don’t think it’s enough. I think I actually have to then live it, you know. So for me, it’s like, okay, well, how can I make it work? How can I make it possible? Like here I am telling my kids that, you know, they’re gonna have all these possibilities available to them, but let’s be real, like there’s emotional stuff that happens along the way, right? 

00:20:46 Melissa: You’re not always gonna feel in flow. It’s not always gonna feel like manifestation, airy fairy stuff. It’s gonna feel like, you know, Excel spreadsheets, buddy. It’s gonna feel like how am I gonna get this content I created playing video games, top of the ranking of YouTube search engine? That is not flowy for me. That is horrible actually. So, being a mom, being a leader of the pack to use your term, Randi, I think it also shows and what’s necessary is that we are not just telling our kids, here’s what you can be and you could be anything you wanna be, but we are like really matching it up in terms of trying to be something that we had on our heart maybe when we were little girls or we now see as like really cool in our lives and actually showing our kids, cause they learn more from what they see, right? Not what they hear, unfortunately, I wish that weren’t true. Showing them, you know, the ups and downs. 

00:21:46 Melissa: And the fact that, you know what, if this is your dream, then there will be sacrifices you have to make and you’re not always gonna feel like, you know,

going on camera or working out or, you know, selling yourself, pitching yourself. The amount of fear that’s involved whenever anyone wants to go after anything that’s big or different or new is pretty sensational and it could stop us. And so I think as the leader of our pack and as an example to our children by way of how we behave in alignment with what we say we wanna do, I think that there’s such an opportunity to really showcase what’s possible, not just for like our sons or our kids or anyone, but for ourselves in the reality of our life. 

00:22:37 Randi: Yeah, I like to say, my personal development sort of growth path has been the last 26 years. First, it was growing my actual babies and then it was my business baby. And so, and the same skills. Like it really, it’s funny, a lot of time, I’ve had a lot of the people who are in my programs, we call them masterminders, that’s the name of our pack. And so there’s been lots of my masterminders who have started businesses or changed jobs, realized like, this is not feeding me or I want more for myself. And it’s so interesting because there’s something that happens, I think, for women within community where that saying you become like the five people you sit next to. 

00:23:32 Randi: And even these virtual communities, I mean, it sort of was a happy accident that I even have this community because really I ran an eight week program like six or seven years ago. And after the eight weeks, I had 25 people that were like, I’m like, okay goodbye, you’re done. And they were like, we just got started. And I was, and so, you know, I didn’t realize it so much at the time, but I am entrepreneurial, you know? And so I do take a lot of action. I throw a lot of spaghetti at the walls. I’ve, you know, there’s been a lot that hasn’t stuck, way more hasn’t stuck than the strands that have stuck. And I said, okay, so, all right, well, let’s create it. And so I just was sort of building the plane as I was flying it. 

00:24:26 Randi: And over the years, it’s been amazing to see, I mean, from the physician mom who worked for a big hospital system, who was trying to figure out how she could juggle, you know, all of it, and then went down to working part-time, but to pick up her kids, and it was such a stressful situation to… Now she runs this amazing concierge practice out of her garage apartment behind her home. And every single day she drops her kids at school, she picks them up, and she takes them to travel in Europe every single summer. Like she has structured as a doctor, you know, you think. Like as a doctor, like how entrepreneurial can you really be?

00:25:16 Randi: I mean, here’s a mom who has this thriving concierge practice and she’s an amazing physician. And she said, I really just watched what you were doing. And then I just sort of applied those same skills. And so there’s all these women that are doing out of the box things as women do, especially when we step into our strength and our leadership and our worth and we surround ourselves with other shiny women, right? Who own it. And it’s like, yeah, the days of there’s only one, there’s only room for one shiny woman. I’m like, no, no, no. You’re shiny and you’re shiny and you’re shiny. And we just illuminate each other. 

00:25:58 Randi: And when we surround ourselves, like I love what you’re doing, because when we surround ourselves in community with strong leadership, strong pack leadership, we all just feel shinier. And then our kids, it’s like what you said, our kids learn by our example, way more than from our words, even though it would be so much easier to just say all the things without having to do all the things. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They’re watching us all the time. So you’re stepping into all of this. And as anyone who’s started a podcast or built a business or done something that they’ve never done before. Yeah, you face a lot of fear and rejection and fails and mistakes and you go through all of it and your kids also they’re there and they’re witnessing it, you know, and they see you going for your dreams. 

00:26:52 Randi: They see you like pick yourself up by your bootstraps, you know, or have those, you know, have the I remember it was like the launch. I was working my ass off, working my ass off. And then I was like freaking three people signed up. I spent so much money on this one. It was a fail. It was a colossal fail. And like, my whole family, they like they were there, you know, they, you know, it was they knew and they were like, mom, but the last launch was good, you know, and I was like, yeah, there’s, I’m gonna have to figure this out. This is this was a lot of stress and and they felt the stress. But you know what, they were invested. 

00:27:37 Melissa: Yeah. And so that’s, see, that’s something that I think doesn’t get spoken about enough. The fact that, you know, behind the dreams that we go after as moms, there’s a lot of tears. And the interesting bit I would say, and maybe it’s a nuance, is that I get it and I understand, like, if you’re a mom and the tears are because of the emotional burdens you carry as a mom, you know, a child who has different abilities or all these medical appointments and no answers, or, you know, maybe you’re in the sandwich generation, right? So maybe your own parents, you have to take care of them and the kids. 

00:28:21 Randi: But I think what doesn’t get any sort of, I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong in this. I would love to hear a listener’s perspective, but what I haven’t seen as much is the tears that a mom who has a business experiences. You know, I got to be honest, you know, have I shed tears in terms of my business? Not as much, but, but I feel like maybe, maybe it’s time because, you know, 12 years as someone who had her, I still have it, it’s not like they took it away, my MBA. What’s interesting is like when I made the decision to leave a formal world, having worked in advertising to then launch my own practice. This was 12 years ago. 

00:29:10 Melissa: That was actually when I cried, now that I think about it. That was actually when I cried. I cried when I left what I knew and the only path to having money in my brain was no longer, not available to me, but no longer in alignment with what I needed as a mom. Like just to paint the picture, like when I put in my letter of resignation, you know, this was in 2011 at an ad agency. I had just finished my MBA and I had re-entered the world of advertising because I was like, you know, let me now make six figures because before the MBA, I was not making six figures in the advertising job that I had, although I was working investment banker hours, which is what a lot of people do in that space. 

00:30:00 Melissa: And I remember when I had to make a choice in terms of either coming back to work and having that agency schedule or starting something totally random, like context here, this was in 2011. Coaching was not what it is now. And someone with an MBA to ultimately, this is how I felt, throw her MBA in the trash, quote unquote is how I felt, was just horrible. It was like, that’s some wild thoughts there. But for me, I cried. I actually cried because that was an identity that I held in my heart. And that was an identity that I had to let go.

00:30:42 Melissa: And when I went and became a mom, it was like everything changed, obviously biologically in our brain, like our brain legitimately changes once you have a child. And I would say that everything changed and what didn’t change and I hope to never happen, I don’t ever wanna cry again, not for like an identity change like that in terms of my career. And I haven’t said this, I haven’t shared this on like other podcasts, but I feel compelled to because I think it’s something that maybe a listener can really just take to heart in her own heart. But, you know, being an entrepreneur, having your own business, I think it’s worth fighting for. I really, really do, especially as a mom, and I have three kids. The things that my children can now see in terms of the work I’ve done when they’re little still is unbelievable. 

00:31:36 Melissa: We went to the library the other day here in Austin. And we went to the library and my three little boys, they went to like the new releases and like the nonfiction section of the library. And it’s right in the front of this library that they go to all the time. And you can see two books there in Austin’s library. One is, Fertile Imagination, my book. And I acknowledged every one of my little boys in that book. And they now can say, hey mommy, like that’s you, you did that. And then the second book that I also have a story in is Fast Fallen Women, which is like a compilation of a lot of stories of like resilience, right? 

00:32:22 Melissa: And that is a story of me when I was like 14 years old, like it’s a story like when my mom, you know, who has a mental illness actually like left, escaped quote unquote, went to a movie theater and I had to follow her and I had to use my imagination in order to like get into the movie theater and find her. And that book is at the Austin Library too. And I think it hits me differently. Like my kids, when they see that in the library they go to, they are now 13, 10 and 10. And to have them see their mom’s stuff in a library they go to, God, like… it would make me cry if I never got that done. Like that would bring a tear to my eye, entrepreneurly. And you know what? I would record that on Instagram live. 

00:33:19 Melissa: But I think it’s something that it teach and I hope it taught my kids something about themselves too. You know? It’s like, you too are important enough to be in a book, in a library. You know what I mean? And I think this whole idea of, you know, really understanding just like what’s possible for us on our timeline is really worth exploring. I know I have a group coaching myself and, you know, it’s really with Mom Founders who want to create their own opportunities instead of like hoping and wishing to bump into like an investor or like a client at a networking event. No, no, no, no. I’m having them do actually what you did to me, Randi. Like finding someone that you think is cool, reaching out to them, presenting an opportunity and figuring out how it could work for both parties, right?

00:34:16 Melissa: Networking is what we call it, but what I call it is, you know, forming a bond that’s stronger together than having been apart. And I help these moms do this and I help them do this in a way that they can, you know, leverage the benefits of connecting with people irrespective of the mom stage that they’re in. So if they have a baby that they’re nursing, I can teach you how to network and connect with people and start building out your dream, right? If you have like a child that you’re homeschooling, where there’s a way, there’s a will, right? Or where there’s a will, there’s a way. It’s the opposite. 

00:34:53 Melissa: But the whole point of the matter is that I really think that right now, it’s like, as someone is listening to this conversation and you’re thinking to yourself, wow, okay, Randi’s talking about a coaching program in her business and Melissa’s talking about a coaching program in her book. Like I want you to actually take this conversation and make it deeply personal for yourself. What’s that thing that if you don’t get it done now would make you cry? Like what’s that thing that you would want your kids to see you do precisely as imperfectly as life might be right now, right? Like what’s that thing for you? 

00:35:30 Melissa: Because I think there’s enough that we experience in life that bring up our emotions that we stuff down. And I think it’s a detriment because I think our emotions and like what pulls our attention, what pulls our heartstrings, I think there’s a lot of information there, you know? Maybe it’s to rise as the leader of your pack if you have a child that needs extra attention from you, or maybe it’s, you know, to rise as like your own business leader, you know, and be the face of an organization, even if you don’t feel like you’re perfectly fit and you’ve got guns like Randi, who has amazing arms right now. Like, yeah, you are strong girl, but yeah, like I just want this conversation to be like encouraging for a listener, you know? 

00:36:18 Randi: Well, I think, so something good to look at to kind of if you’re listening and you’re thinking dreams, like I’m just surviving over here. Like, and for my listeners, all my listeners have what we call a strong willed child, which when you’re in the trenches raising a strong willed child, it’s the busiest, hardest season of your life. And so if you have a strong willed child and you’re trying to grow a business for your listeners, because I think it’s probably pretty common, having a strong willed child is very, very common, at least one, yeah, you’re in the most exhausting… Is this part of your life that you might be like, yeah, dreams. What am I going to dream about? 

00:37:13 Randi: So if you don’t even know what you might be secretly dreaming about, I think a good question to ask yourself is who am I jealous of? And it’s like the jealousy has a lot of information when we’re willing to sort of go deeper which is why am I jealous of this person? Like, and a lot of times the people that we’re jealous of, we show up and we judge the hell out of them, right? We’re like, oh, okay. So if I move past the judgment, and I don’t have to tell anyone else, this is a conversation I’m having with myself. And so if I move past the judgment, what am I actually jealous of?

00:38:03 Randi: Like, what do I wish I had or I could do that this other person has accomplished. And so when you look at that, then you’ve got some real information about what your secret dreams are. Because it’s like, okay, so why can’t I have that? What am I telling myself? Why? You know, but like, one of my beliefs for years was like, I don’t get chosen for things like other people. Get awards and get chosen, but like I’m just, I’m not that person. So I don’t get picked. You know, that was, you know, one of those thoughts that was going through my head that sometimes would stall me out, have me forgetting about my real dreams or settle for a lot less. 

00:38:51 Randi: And so I think when we start to sort of lift the hood of our brains and look at hard things, like who am I jealous of? Who am I judging? Why can’t I have that too? What am I telling myself? I think these are really great questions to ask. 

00:39:06 Melissa: Yeah, and it’s so funny, Randi, because just yesterday I made an investment, right? I was like, you know what? I want to be on YouTube. And so the funny part of it all is that I have a video. I mean, I have a lot of videos already on YouTube. That’s the funny part. So now I’m like being like, oh, I wanna be officially on YouTube or something. It’s like my re coming out or something. So why did I make that decision yesterday? So a couple of things, one of them is jealousy, right? 

00:39:36 Melissa: So for example, there’s this like so super creative, over talented, artsy, artsy mom of two who has like the coolest brand since sliced bread. It’s kind of like, you know, Harry Potter meets, I don’t know, a mom. And so I love what she does, right? So I had to just give myself the opportunity to A, acknowledge the fact that I don’t hate her. Instead I’m like, dag, how can I be like her, you know? And so I’m like, okay, I’m not moving to like Central America, cause that’s where she is, but what is it about her that I really appreciate? And for her, it’s the fact that she’s doubled down in videos.

00:40:24 Melissa: So she doubled down in videos, she’s analyzing how she articulates her sentences and how she makes people feel, and she’s very visual because of her artist’s background. And so for me, I think to kind of just take it to the next step, if someone’s ready, it’s like, okay, great. So Randi just said, see who makes you jealous, like who brings up that feeling of jealousy. That step one and then step two kind of like really be very, very thoughtful about it and be like, well, what is it exactly? 

00:41:00 Melissa: And so for me, this was not like a step one happens on May 1st, step two, May 2nd, no, no, no, we’re talking, I’ve been following this lady and I have bought from her, okay, like a decade ago, but I still appreciate her. And so I then made that decision just yesterday. I was like, well, I like her videos. I like how she is very professional and it’s unexpected what I’m gonna see and I feel a certain way and her branding is on point. So what does that mean? Okay, well, the only way I can now start my journey is to make an investment in videos. And I think that’s kind of like, that’s the step two that sometimes gets like, held in purgatory as it did for me, you know, like as it did for me. I think we look at a lot of people who have things that we want, you know, like an infinity pool or, you know, is in Croatia eating wonderful seafood or I’m making stuff up that would be really cool for me. Right?

00:42:09 Melissa: And we look at them and we’re just like, we feel stuck, you know, we feel stuck. And when I’ve worked with people in terms of coaching them or even in my book, right? Fertile Imagination. Like in my book, it’s about figuring out, okay, you know, let’s be really honest with ourselves. Like, can we hold ourselves accountable for maybe some of the decisions we made that are counter to what we want, right? And can we be held accountable for that? So that comes from a chapter in my book where I interviewed Susie Batiste, the inventor of Poo-Pourri. Like she actually suggests that if you, for example, to your point, Randi, find someone that you’re jealous of, right? And then you don’t take… 

00:42:53 Randi: Wait, I just apologize for a second. I just sent a co-worker, the Poo-Pourri, she was having an issue with her kids. I literally searched on YouTube, found the old videos. Anybody who doesn’t know what Poo-Pourri is, because my co-worker didn’t, and her two boys who share a bathroom, they were fighting… One of them is highly sensitive. Her strong-willed one, super, just like, smells are smellier, noises are louder. And his younger brother, there was all this control and all these rules around when the younger brother was allowed to go to the bathroom. And so anyway, I had given her some coaching and some tips on it. And I was like, okay, you have to get this Poo-Pourri stuff and you have to show the boys these amazing. I mean, I thought that whole advertising campaign for that product was genius. So I just had to like, it’s so funny that you bring up Poo-pourri. Okay. So keep going. Keep going. 

00:43:59 Melissa: This episode is brought to you by Fertile Imagination to Networking Success. It is my signature program for visionary Mom Founders just like you who have decided that they’re going to become power strategic networkers. Because they don’t wanna let another opportunity pass them by. My approach, which I have used over and over again, and I have helped my clients learn, is called the Imagination to Impact to Income Method. And it’s gonna help you connect with the right people, lead the right conversations, and swing open the right doors to your business success.

00:44:38 Melissa: Now, here’s the thing, this group coaching program, it is nine weeks, but would only require about three hours of your time on a weekly basis and two of which would be on demand. So on your timeline. Now, this program is the solution you need to catapult your business growth. The course is jam packed with nine on demand training modules, weekly live Q&A sessions with other like minded Mom Founders. Access to a supportive community, step-by-step resources, private role-playing with me, personalized feedback on your outreach materials and tools that I built for Mom Founders specifically. The program is everything that you need to gain access to the right people on your terms and your timeline. 

00:45:31 Melissa: And here’s the thing, as a mom myself with three children that still need me, I know that means something. I know that a lot of the group coaching programs out there do not actually take into account the fact that you have so many conflicting responsibilities and obligations that make consistency, doing things every day at the same time, virtually impossible. So I wanna be sure that you have tools that you can use so that this way networking is not a chore, but it becomes a habit. And so that this way you do not miss out on the amazing opportunities that network that networking provides for all these entrepreneurs out there. 

00:46:08 Melissa: So how do you know it’s right for you? This group coaching program is right for you if you’re a founder who is so good at providing your services to your existing clients, but you’re not as confident about reaching out to bigger clients, the ones that you actually need for your business growth. It’s for you. If you’re a business owner, who’s seeking relationships with influential members in your industry to boost your credibility and to amplify your important message. 

00:46:42 Melissa: It’s for someone who maybe has been proven in another sector before you became an entrepreneur and you wanna find the right partners now who will trust you, believe that you can make the leap or the pivot. Now this program is going to be uniquely offered to five Mom Founders this July. And here’s the catch, I’m gonna be offering it to these five founders for 30% less than what it is going to cost in September. And you are going to have bonuses upon bonuses upon bonuses for signing up as one of those five Mom Founders who will begin in July. The week of July 8th specifically. 

00:47:28 Melissa: Again, a lot of this time is going to be on your time on demand and you will be able to easily access this information at your leisure, even by the poolside with your kids right next to you. You’re gonna have as a bonus, if you sign up as one of five moms, two free one-on-one private sessions with me. One is gonna be focused on implementation, one is gonna be focused on role playing. If you don’t know and you don’t have a pitch that’s getting you the opportunities you seek, then we’ll work on that during the role-playing session, the private session.

00:48:00 Melissa: In terms of implementation, if you need an actual list of people that you intend to reach out to in order to take your business to the next level, we’re gonna work on that during implementation, either crafting your list as in, I will be rolling up my sleeves, metaphorically, helping you come up with the right people to reach out to, helping you with the communication in terms of what those emails are gonna say or what you’re gonna say on the phone as you talk to those people and I will help you with the follow-up strategy and timing as well. 

00:48:27 Melissa: Everything makes a difference and there’s a right time and approach and step-by-step in terms of the way that you approach individuals you might not yet know. Okay, so if this sounds interesting to you, again, so part of the bonus for the first five Mom Founders is gonna be those two private sessions. One is gonna be role-playing, one is gonna be implementation. Also, you have that 30% discount from what the price will be in September. But then on top of that, you’re gonna be a guest on my podcast and I’m gonna give you more visibility than you will know what to do with. 

00:48:59 Melissa: We’re talking about being on the same platform that Gary Vee has been on, being on the same platform that Suzy Batiste has been on. Yep, that is gonna be available to the five Mom Founders who take me up on this opportunity to join my group coaching program that is going to launch for only five Mom Founders on July 8. So you have as part of this crew only, this cohort of five exceptional Mom Founders who want to take the art of networking way up the skillset level and absolutely knock them out of the ballpark in September when you implement everything that you’ve learned this summer. 

00:49:41 Melissa: You’re gonna have again, those two free bonus sessions. You’re going to have the podcast guest feature on my podcast and you’re gonna have that 30% discount as well. I will also go ahead and provide to you a guide, a productivity guide that is gonna help shave time off every single week so that this way you can add networking to your already full plate. It’s about making networking a habit. It’s about making sure that you are not missing out on the opportunities that I know for a fact are out there for you if you just had a method on how to be visible, talk to people, make sure that you’re sharing the right stories, asking the right questions, and you are getting the ball rolling towards what you want to accomplish by the end of this year. 

00:50:26 Melissa: So this is what’s really important. We are beyond the midpoint of 2024. If you’re not even close to your goals, this is the time to run. This is the time to build the momentum that you need in order to have the business of your dreams. This is the time not to let go but to actually go faster and really, really stay true to what you set out to do this year. And so that’s why I’m offering it to the five Mom Founders who go ahead and sign up for a session with me now. Let me share with you what you need to do if you’re interested in joining the group coaching program.

00:51:05 Melissa: All you have to do is go to melissallarena.com/sessions that is going to be in the show notes. It’s going to be in the YouTube description. It’s going to be every single place that you will find my name. You’ll just go melissallarena.com/sessions. You will then see an application. And this is important because I want to make sure that the right group of five Mom Founders are part of this group in July. This is going to be a determining factor as to whether or not you will have an opportunity to have these unique offerings, which again are those two private sessions and also a podcast guest feature and the 30% discount and join us for the July 8th cohort. 

00:51:49 Melissa: So be sure that you go to melissllarena.com for a set of sessions, make sure that you fill out the application. Then we’re gonna hop on a 30 minute call and then we will see mutually if it is the right fit. I wanna be sure it’s the right group of moms

who will absolutely help each other out. I wanna be sure it’s moms who are going to be encouraging, who are gonna be thoughtful, who are gonna be brilliant so that this way you get access to fresh thinking on your business, and who are going to be the right fit also for the podcast. So make sure that you sign up for the exploratory discovery breakthrough session. Make sure that you and I have a conversation. 

00:52:24 Melissa: All that means is we need to talk for 30 minutes before we mutually decide if this group coaching program is right for you during this edition, the July 8th edition, nine weeks, but you will only have to spend about three hours of your own time every week, focus on planning out your entire networking strategy for the rest of this year, planning out who you’re gonna talk to, what you’re gonna say, and then what are you gonna do once you guys are connected, as well as why you are going to make networking stick in terms of your business. 

00:52:57 Melissa: There are so many opportunities out there. that you’re missing out on if you are not visible, if you’re not putting yourself out there, if you feel hesitant, if you feel like, who am I too? If you ever thought to yourself, like I don’t know what to say, or I’m really good at networking, if people make the first step, then this is for you. Let’s have a conversation. Go ahead and just go to melissallarena.com/sessions, and I will give you every single detail. But again, only five Mom Founders are gonna have access to this.

00:53:28 Melissa: The bonuses, so those two free one-on-one sessions, the podcast guest feature, and the 30% discount. Five moms group coaching sessions, focus on really refining your networking skills so that this way come September, you are on fire. You are unstoppable. You are out there being that connector that you currently might be admiring right now and wish you were. It is time to get out there. Share your message, make your voice stronger, and really, really showcase what you’ve got. Because at the end of the day, you built your business because it matters to you, because you want to make a change in someone’s lives.

00:54:09 Melissa: And right now, the more people who get to know you, the more people you introduce yourself to, the more people you partner with, the higher the odds are that you’re gonna see yourself have wild success. And we’re talking about the kind of success that you may have never seen in another mom achieve in her life before. And I want that for you and the people that you can serve and support, they need you. They ultimately need you. So I wanna help you get to them more quickly, more elegantly and more consistently so that 2024 come the end of the year, you knocked your goals out of the ballpark and networking is the sure fire pathway to get it done. So I invite you to go to melissallarena.com/sessions. Enjoy the rest of the conversation. 

00:54:57 Melissa: Yeah, yeah. So Suzy Batiste, the inventor of like, you know, God’s gift to toilets, right? These days. She actually in my book shared how, you know, let’s imagine that we are jealous of someone, like an entrepreneur who’s killing it on YouTube or whatever. But we have been following this person for a long time. We’ve had this thought before. I should be on YouTube and we ourselves said to ourselves, but I don’t wanna spend the money on doing YouTube channel. And then we go again the next year thinking the same thing and again and again. 

00:55:33 Melissa: So if you want to now feel almost like make peace for the choices you made in the past so that you can make different choices in the future, you almost have to go back to the past, hold yourself accountable for the fact that you know what, and I’m talking to myself right now, Melissa, you decided to not do YouTube because you didn’t wanna get your hair done and all this other stuff, right? And now just kind of like move forward beyond that, right? So here I am, I took accountability for the fact that, I on purpose was not on YouTube, but then at the same time I took action, which is that next step of like, okay, so now I know that I might be a little wobbly here and I might start the YouTube thing and start second guessing myself again.

00:56:16 Melissa: But no, now I’m gonna stay on this path. And so in my book, Fertile Imagination, the reason why I bring it up is because, talking about stuff, and I don’t know if I need like a white flag, a billboard or what, but like talking about stuff is just not enough. It really, really, really is not enough. I get that communication is the key to successful relationships. I understand the fact that, you know, if you, and this is, I’m not the expert, you’re the expert, Randi. I understand that if you have a strong-willed child, you know, there’s something pertaining to what a parent has to do versus what the child has to do. And I’m guessing the parent has 90% of the work. 

00:57:00 Melissa: But at the same time, it’s like action, just action. And discomfort, and I write about that in the book as well, it’s kind of like stepping outside of your comfort zone, doing completely different things, thinking expansively, which is what I’m about. And when I coach Mom Founders or entrepreneurs, I say it over and over and over again. It’s like, well, if you’ve done it before that exact way and it hasn’t worked, you’ve gotta try a brand new way. You’ve gotta try a brand new way and it is gonna feel weird.

00:57:34 Melissa: Like doing things differently, you know, definitely feels so weird. But at the same time, it’s like, that’s how you then baby steps go in a different direction. So that this way, when now I look at that person who’s on YouTube and all of that, I’m not looking at her like, dag, I wish I was on YouTube. Instead I’m like, okay, wait a minute. How is she talking about her program? How is it that she’s branding her YouTube? What does her header look like? It’s useful to me now. Because now it’s like, wait a minute, Melissa, you just voted for yourself. You just voted for yourself. You’re the leader of the pack, to use your term. And you are showing your kids that, yeah, sometimes you can put your tail between your legs and move in a different direction, and that’s okay. 

00:58:21 Randi: There’s so much there, but the main point that I think we could kind of correlate to the main point of helping kids to thrive, helping kids to learn a better way, do new things that are unfamiliar and even a little scary change behaviors, right? Like solve the problems instead of feeling like it’s Groundhog Day and we’re just, it’s like the same conversation over and over. That term accountability. Right? Like we throw that term out, accountability. You know what accountability is? And I don’t know if you’ll agree with this, but in my, like from my point of view, accountability is really what we’re talking about when we talk about boundaries, right? 

00:59:14 Randi: Like that word boundaries, I think a lot of times is a confusing word because people are not a hundred percent sure like, and you know, we work with new families. We take, we take them through this 12-week program. And the last four weeks, we focus on boundaries and then following through on those boundaries. When the boundaries are not honored, there has to be some follow through. Well, what happens when the boundaries are not honored? And all of that to me is accountability. 

00:59:52 Randi: So if we look at… Right? Like you had to do a lot of mental prep to, you know, you’ve been following this lady forever. And then your brain started going into that place that it does for all of us, which is, oh, if only I would have, I mean, I think this about Austin. I’m like, if only how 30 years ago, when I went to school there, I don’t know what about real estate. Right. And so there’s, I think so often we can say stuck in coulda, shoulda, woulda. And so like moving past that, okay, well, I didn’t make those videos. I didn’t feel like getting my hair done. 

01:00:37 Randi: And maybe what helped you get through that is, and I was raising three, like I had a baby and then two years later I had two more. Of course I didn’t want to get my hair done. It wasn’t the season for me to make YouTube videos. And now my babies are 10 and 12. And I can get my hair done. In fact, I did it today. It looks kind of cute, you know, right? Or I can stick a hat on and put my hair back in a ponytail and put some cute earrings on and I’m good, right? I’m in a different season of life. I can come up for air. 

01:01:15 Randi: So there’s that mental pre-work, which is like, okay, now moving on. 

Oh yeah, I’m an action taker. It’s not too late. And I do really well. I hold myself accountable when I put a little skin in the game. I’m gonna invest. Yes, I could just keep following and doing all this and piecemealing things together, but I’m gonna invest in a program because I won’t really take this thing seriously. So you’re putting those boundaries in place in terms of, I’m putting some money into it, I’m admitting what I want. I’m, you know, boundaries are really I statements. What do I want? What is okay with me? What’s not okay with me? 

01:02:00 Randi: It’s not okay with me to continue not making, you know, becoming a big sensation on YouTube. So I’m ready to hold myself accountable, put some boundaries in place, put some money in, and then it’ll come to the follow through piece, which is, you know,

when you’re like, okay, I’m best in this thing, the momentum was high, and now maybe I’m not using the tool that I invest in. I need to watch, oh, I need to, or I need to make this video. I need to watch how to say, okay, now I’m gonna put time on my calendar to actually like hold myself accountable and learn the thing that I need to learn. And then I’m gonna actually make a video, right? 

01:02:43 Randi: And so I think it’s the same thing with kids is, when we have us, you asked me a bunch of questions about how do you run a business when you’ve got a strong-willed kid and they’re putting you through it. How do we help that child to, how do we manage it all? What if you have a strong-willed kid and then you have another kid or multiple other kids? How are you supposed to get a handle on this? I would say it’s the exact same thing, you know. The accountability piece and learning how to have that structure and have those boundaries into and to say what’s okay with you as the pack leader. 

01:03:29 Randi: What’s okay with me, what’s not okay with me. And these are our rules, right? Like I am not gentle parenting is not my game. I am into pack leadership and it is firm and it is loving, so loving. And no, it doesn’t involve shame and blame and spanking, but it is not permissive parenting. And sometimes it’s not that gentle, because when we’re putting structure in place and when we’re showing up as the pack leader, yeah, sometimes we gotta get our badassery on. And holding people, especially strong-willed people accountable. It’s like, these are the rules. This is what’s expected. You didn’t do the thing, and now you’ve lost the thing because that’s what we said we were gonna do and that’s what helps our family to run smoothly. And no matter begging and badgering and I’m just doing the thing that I said I was gonna do. Right? And I think that that accountability piece is critical in both business and in parenting. 

01:04:41 Melissa: Yeah, and I think also that, you know, we mentioned strong-willed child. It’s like, I wish I had the perfect adjective for a business that’s like highly volatile, because I feel like the comparable is there, right? So if there is a business, for example, not speaking from experience, but maybe, that, you know, constantly has, for example, traffic to a particular webpage, again, just mentioning for friends, but you haven’t figured out how to get the conversions or you haven’t figured out how to get people to then make a purchase from you despite having all of this traffic on your website.

01:05:28 Melissa: It’s like there’s certain things that you can learn, but if you don’t implement and change almost the inner workings or the guts of the business so that you can create a capture system of people that go to your website, then it’s like for naught, right? Then it’s just pure fantasy. I wish my strong-willed child were a gentle little furry ball, you know, that I could just squish, or I wish my business just, you know, converted at whatever sort of, you know, percent. I think that the hard work is certainly the implementation, certainly accountability, consistency, which I hate that word, but it’s the truth, it’s the truth, we all know it.

01:06:19 Melissa: And I think it’s also like it’s like setting expectations. It’s like, okay, oh snap, you know, mom means business, like dad means business, or oh snap, like, you know, if I mess up their desk today, you know, like then the consequence will be ABC if that is the way that, you know, we wanna approach things. I think that it’s just like a contract. Like, you know, I learned this before quitting law school. I went for a month and this is what I got out of it. Like it’s just like a contract. If you have a contract, it’s only as good as, you know, as when it’s used, right? 

01:06:56 Melissa: Like it doesn’t really mean anything until now. You like put it through the system, you know, and see kind of like what was clearly stated and what wasn’t. So, you know, if you go and you take a program, make an investment in your family, in your business, or in anything else, it’s like, and then I’ve heard this too, a lot of individuals who…  They invested in something for their business, and it’s still there on the metaphorical digital shelves. You cannot then blame that course that you did not do. That is where accountability comes into play. It’s like, you know what? 

01:07:36 Melissa: Own it and then move forward from it, and then figure out how to not make that happen again, if possible, right? And I think that once we’re clear with what we’re gonna do when things go wrong and don’t feel so flowy, once we’re clear upfront, then I think we have a better chance of success of carrying through whatever vision we had upfront, you know? Or interacting with our strong-willed child in the way that serves everybody, or, you know moving forward with your business, you know, and having a YouTube channel, even if you didn’t get your hair done that day, but figuring out a perfect hat instead. 

01:08:20 Melissa: So, you know, I think there’s always a way to kind of either leverage, you know, the pack leadership mentality. I am so into tough love, let me tell you. But I think it’s also possible to think expansively of what does that mean to you specifically, to your family specifically, because it might look… and Randi, I’m sure in your program you’ve seen it, your guidance might be interpreted in different ways by different families given whatever they got going on. Same in my space as well, different clients decide to network in one way and other clients, it doesn’t serve them because maybe they’re nursing a child and they can’t go out into the world like that. 

01:09:06 Randi: Yeah, I think, I’ll tell you is so often the coaching is, I mean, I’m just thinking about a coaching call that I just had today. And it was like, this kid is, you know, my kid is just it’s like, no. And, you know, and if I say stop doing that, stop playing with the cars like that, stop pouring the orange juice, stop and stop and don’t know. And when I coached this mom, she’s like, you know, I just don’t I said, what’s the sentence going through your head and in all these moments. And she said, I don’t know what to do. And I said, do you know, I would, but do you? And she kind of looked at me. And I said, I think you’re just going into a survival state in these moments because your body is being activated. 

01:10:01 Randi: And it’s reminding you you’ve got this strong willed kid. And it’s reminding you of when you were the kid and feelings weren’t allowed, because I know her story. And tell me where I’m wrong on that. And she’s like, yeah. And I said, so we think we are thinking animals. But the truth of the matter is that human beings are feeling animals. So you actually do. When we’re here and we’re calmly talking and I’m coaching you, I said, that part of your brain is taking it all in? You do know what to do. You know what do I say a million times? What we focus on? She’s like,, gross.

01:10:37 Randi: I was like, right, so no and don’t and stop. All you’re gonna get is more power struggles. I said, and that’s what these strong-willed, highly sensitive ones, like they don’t wait for teenage hood to rebel. They’re doing it now. Like you’re not showing up in pack leadership mom, and so I’m not really feeling safe in the world. So I’m gonna push and push and push until you become scary mommy. And that’s what they do. I said, because everybody wants to know that they have a leader.

01:11:07 Randi: I said, but really the solution here is you got to take care of your gorgeous body in these moments, right? Like the orange juice gets spilled. The orange juice gets spilled. You’re having like you’re activated. You have to walk away. You’ve got to put your hands on your heart. You have to remind yourself, I’m the mama now. This is my house. Feelings are allowed. Like you’ve got to. Give your nervous system the message you are safe.

01:11:41 Randi: This little five or six year old that’s acting like a terrorist, you’re not being held at gunpoint. If the orange juice gets spilled, the orange, oh, give your body what you need and then come back to her. I was like, but we gotta get this nervous system regulated and you deserve that. And I’ll tell you so often that people come in, they’re like, just tell me exactly what, I mean, I had people say, can you create a board game where you just, we just want your words, just give us the scripts. I’m like, you’re never gonna remember the scripts when you’re in the heat of the moment. We’ve gotta take care of you first. 

01:12:20 Melissa: Yeah, and I think it’s so funny. In my world, I’ve been asked for the same thing. I’ve been asked actually to be the person, to be there. There, what is it, Hitch, you remember that movie with Will Smith, he was just telling people in their ear, say this to the girl and blah, blah, blah. Well, I am not a pick-up artist, so no, I am not doing this. I will teach you the words to use, but you’re right. You’re absolutely right. There’s this like planning to be the calm person, whether it’s as a mom or like a business leader on a sales call, networking conversation versus actuality. And I think that it takes practice as with anything else. It really does take practice and it takes grace. 

01:13:12 Melissa: And I’m not great at that. Like I’ll tell you right now, like I am not great at that. Like if I’m on a call and things don’t go amazingly, I can’t sit here and be like, yeah, I say, good job, Melissa, for even having the guts to get on that call. No, I don’t say that. But I will say that the distance between feeling disappointment and feeling some sense of pride, the fact that I just had the guts to have that conversation, that distance in time has shortened. And it’s because of the practice. 

01:13:46 Melissa: And I think it’s also the fact that, you know, a lot of individuals that come to me, like for them, like the things I teach them don’t come naturally, you know? Which sounds like the parenting sort of messages that I’m hearing from you, Randi. Like I can’t say that, you know, having a pack leader mentality is how I thought of, you know, being a mom and being the leader in my home. I mean, I definitely have the canines that can be fearful, be like, hey, listen to me. My kids know when I get that look in the eye.

01:14:23 Melissa: But it does take practice because, you know, in the heat of the moment, you don’t have access to the executive functioning and the ability to think creatively and all that stuff. So it’s the same thing. And here’s where I think might be a good place to kind of end. And it’s the simple fact that, you know, being the leader of your family and owning a business in my world, they are both deeply personal. And if your business, I’m not saying it does, but if your business has your name on it, whoa. It’s like, okay, it’s a reflection of me. 

01:14:59 Melissa: And as a mom, at least the way I think about my three little boys, it’s like sometimes, and I know that there’s different ways of looking at this, but sometimes I do see their behavior as a reflection of how good or bad a mom I am. And obviously, what will people think of me, things I’m working on. But, you know, it’s like, I feel like there just has to be some sort of plan for that. Like, you know that. You already know that if your kid starts wiling out in Target, you know that you’re gonna feel embarrassed. Maybe it’s just me. Or like with your business, like if you flop, if you tell everyone, hey, I’m gonna have, you know, a group this size and then you come under, fall short your goal publicly, like prepare for that, you know what I mean? 

01:15:51 Melissa: And whether it’s like investing in a coaching program, investing in YouTube, investing in yourself, in your family, you know, ultimately, it’s not just what you get out of it, like you put in, what is it? You get out what you put into something, but it’s doing the reps of whatever it is that you learned, you know, in business or in personal and holding yourself accountable for, okay, I made the investment. You could make the investment or you could have made the investment a decade ago, but you’re so capable of still implementing what you learned.

01:16:29 Melissa: And I think sometimes we forget that because a strong willed child, we can just swap it for like a volatile, crazy business and use those skills. They are transferable, right? And so I really appreciate this conversation, Randi, because I think a lot of, at least my listeners, you know, are in that place. It’s like, let’s just think about, you know, the makeup of a typical entrepreneur. It’s not gonna be like the most laid back person. We’re like pretty intense people and you don’t just like become an intense person without maybe kind of sort of being a strong willed child at some point. And so thank you for this, Randi. 

01:17:11 Randi: I know that’s great. And I think, you know, I love strong willed kids. I like to say they’re my jam. I think they’re the most honest. I mean, they can’t not express how they’re feeling with their behavior. And I’ll tell you. They do thrive with accountability and structure, even though they’ll fight you tooth and nail when you haven’t, you know, when you’ve been running your own business, you’ve been, you know, running like a chicken with your head cut off. And yeah, and so I think that, you know, they act out and they call us to more. I’ve loved this conversation, this is great.

01:17:52 Melissa: Me too, Randi. So why don’t you just share some of your socials and websites so that listeners can reach out to you if they need help or have a strong willed child. 

01:18:02 Randi: Yeah, so mastermindparenting.com, that’s mastermind all one word, parenting.com. And on Instagram, I’m mastermind_parenting. 

01:18:13 Melissa: Thank you. And if anyone has a business that they absolutely need to learn how to get into the right conversations, be in the right rooms. So this way they could take their business to the next level. Mom founders specifically, please come to fertileideas.com and also Instagram @MelissaLlarena, at M-E-L-I-S-S-A-L-L-A-R-E-N-A, fertileideas.com, I just wanna say that you could have a free chapter of my number one bestseller, Fertile Imagination, a guide for stretching every mom’s superpower for maximum impact.

01:18:47 Melissa: Also on fertileIdeas.com, you can take a quiz if you don’t know why you’re stuck, could it be your imagination? Could it be that maybe you have imposter syndrome? These are all the things that could be and I could help you with. So definitely head on to fertileIdeas.com. And yeah, I loved this too, Randi. This has been sensational. Thank you for this. 

01:19:10 Randi: Thanks so much.

01:19:11 Melissa: Here are three things that really stood out for me in my conversation with Randy. The first one is that there’s another way to approach a strong-willed child, as well as a business that is operating in a turbulent market. And the idea is to be the leader that a pack, almost like a pack of wolves, would need in order to survive in the wild. Totally applicable, both camps, and at the same time, something that I hadn’t heard of before as related to a mom. I hear of dads, I hear about like that male energy really just being a pack leader, but true to form, a mom can also lead her little cubs and lead her team in the light of any turbulent business moment. So give yourself that credit because you can actually get it done. 

01:19:58 Melissa: Second point is that consistency, whether it’s as a parent saying what you’re going to do and then doing it, and then also as a business leader, same idea with integrity is critical and transferable. And it’s something that both Randi and myself believe in and really shared our thoughts on in this conversation. So when it comes to being consistent, I would invite you to really challenge yourself and see if you can be consistent, even doing the things that feel hard, unnatural, or new to you. 

01:20:26 Melissa: And that includes things like, you know, saying, hey, bedtime is at eight o’clock. And guess what? 800 does not equal 900. And beings, really consistent about it, even if it’s a little hard. Same thing with social media or even email marketing. This is what I’ve noticed. A lot of moms out there might have a business, but you might not consistently nurture your email list and you might not send emails out. Apply the same skill of consistency. 

01:20:50 Melissa: Here’s the third thing that really stood out for me and that’s about community. So it is very difficult to do anything by yourself because you are going to take forever. And if you are operating in a world where your home is not really calm and your business is not really calm, i.e. any Mom Founder is going to be in that situation for the most part, then it is going to be absolutely important that you have peers, that you have individuals that are like-minded surrounding you, almost like bubble wrapping you so that this way you could get through whatever it might be that is hardest to get through on your own.

01:21:28 Melissa: We each are human beings. I want to just state this very obvious fact. And I want to just say that as a human being, it is so critical that you really ask for what you need help with, with as much specificity as possible. And whenever possible, if you know someone has already achieved what you want to achieve, i.e. a gentle, kind, wonderful relationship with a strong-willed child, or some sort of calm or decisive action, even in light of turbulent weather from a business perspective, you need to approach that person. 

01:22:06 Melissa: And if you have to pay and invest in a group coaching program to get those skills and tools, then that is going to have to be the bullet that you fight. Why is that important? Because I know that we have finite energy in both camps. And I know that there are people who have already solved for what I am trying to solve for.

01:22:25 Melissa: And I’ve done it myself in the past. And Randi, I’m sure, has done it herself in the past. No one gets to where they are, a place of, you know, financial success or a place of business relationship success or parenting success without the support of somebody, whether it’s a guide, a parent or family. So I really would encourage you to step outside of your comfort zone. And if this resonated for you, if you have a strong willed child, reach out to Randi.

01:22:52 Melissa: And if you have a business that’s going through a turbulent time and you just want to figure out how to get out unscathed, turn to me. So absolutely reach out to me and I hope you enjoy this conversation until next Tuesday. Make sure that you’re following this officially. This is going to be such a wonderful next set of conversations as well that you can look forward to. And I’m delighted to have had you here either on YouTube or in the audio. Thank you again for your support.